Slippery Afternoon

You love me
in a way.   to make me cry

swiftly as the grey rain slips down the window
the gentle weeping of the lonely cook.    over her dirty dishes
      splash into the scummy water, the saltwater from her lashes

and in the greasy streets outside
the giggling children and the whisk of a cat
around the corner

Your haunted eyes are   dark collections of thoughts and memories
opening up
When you look at me like       a crazy man
all torn up and wanting, starving like the cat...but hungrier
My smile disappears
    no it fades away quickly.   And is taken over by a slip of tears
You make me cry

the way your eyes love me.   like the raindrops so steady but        hard to catch

I Will Never

When the stars are forgetting to sparkle
and the milky moon is turning crimson with
      the blood of crying children
When there are no more voices left to sing
and the rocks and stones scream out for love
             and the swiftest rivers cannot flow
When even the sun has turned cold and heartless
and the only sound is the terrible rain collapsing
        in inky puddles between broken hearts

I will still hold you in my arms.
My blinded eyes will even then remember     your smile.
With hope,
    I will continue searching for you
Spurred on by the memory
of soft words      lavished on in love.
Don't you see, my dearest?                    nothing can tear you out of my soul
the seeds you planted have grown roots

my friend, you are not alone
         and I will never give up on you

Three Heartbeats

There are raindrops
and bright spots of sunshine
   Angry faces
     and gently smiling friends

Maybe I rose is blooming    in someone's garden
   maybe I baby is being born, crying out for heaven in his mother's arms

A boy is becoming a man   too early for his broken heart
           (they were best friends, so what else would break?)
         He wants to get married, he said
                                     maybe he just wants someone to hold
                           someone who will kiss him goodnight when he's lonely
                  someone who he can trust will never leave him ever (even when the rest of the world    does.)
      I wish I could
         tell him     How very much I adore him
How I would marry him in three heartbeats      (three years if he'd wait)
But,
my love stretches out so far that I want him to be happy. I want him to love
whoever is right, Lord...whichever girl makes his eyes shine brighter than the stars

There are cloudy days
and weeks of blue sky
        Eyes full of tears
          and overflowing laughter

But the Lord my God sees our hearts
So nothing is impossible.

A Rose

A white rose is in my garden.
   -- must have sprung up one day when the gardner was     away
               tiny velvet leaves unfurling in tentative
 emerald wrinkles
awaiting the sun's unconditional warmth
It isn't tall or very bold.
  -- but it is strong, I can tell.   unswervingly true and pure as heaven
                        like a virgin bride the petals reveal themselves
so innocently beautiful
   I cannot help but kiss their pearly coolness

It has no pretenses, I find.
Thoughtfully I have mused o'er its lonely countenance
    for hours,
        I sit among the grand hydrangeas on a mossy stone,
contemplating the whiteness, the dark green, the perfection.

What trials
brought a rose to me,
When did this angel
appear?
What have I done to deserve
a flower,
or perhaps this is a curse
in disguise?


Then, I laugh --    Oh! Foolish heart of mine!
Why do you wonder at miracles?

Memento Mori

I cannot sleep tonight
with shadows curling in darkening corners
the rush of insects flying in the night
crawling spiders and whistling mosquitos
The floor is hard and unyielding
it doesn't catch my tears (the way you would
if you were here)
I am anticipating missing you
tonight it seems not so real that you are close
It feels like you are many miles away
probably forgetting me even though we were friends
I hope it is not true
my imagination may be running away again
But I wanted to see you this evening
sitting in the sunny dusk with a warm breath of air
at our backs saying, memento mori
It is too bad that our paths didn't cross
I wish they had
meandered together like magnets or converging rivers
I did not expect to like you this summer
or even to think about you twice
How wrong I was.
I realize now, there is no going back.
Missing you is
a given.

I Love You

I hate confusion
I hate when you say something
and mean another
I hate when you lie
i hate the ticking clock,
the time
That tells me it's late for you
It's early yet for me and
i hate the hours that go by,
whispering that our days together
Are limited.
I hate the uncertain feeling
i get when your words are
short
When you don't meet my eyes and
your mouth is grim.
I hate so much
about this.
I hate the sun when
it shines on our anger
I hate the smile
that i miss on your face.        Oh hate!
It is much easier to hate than
to love.
So ready I am to hate the world
that pulls me away from you.
I forget so quickly
So quickly I forget:
     it isn't you I hate. No, no.
     i will not hate you. ever.
I only hate this life
These horrid circumstances
which make you sad, mean, and worried
I only hate the crowded
space in my heart that doesn't want to make room
My heart is so full it is hard to squeeze
you
In.
I only hate
the hated evil that
tears our fragile souls apart.
      I love you, my sweetest boy, I love you
i only hate
hating you.

Sky Hug

Sneaky eyes       racing my heartbeat
          sea glass            ,all different hues,  reflecting my smiling face
the cold prickle      tingly happiness in the bottom of my stomach
and a tiny piercing     pain in the center of my heart
( i now know why men think Love is
  a master archer, shooting erotic arrows
  into lonely bosoms. it feels thus when
  i see my lover's face, his hands — when
  i hear my lover's voice, his beating heart )
Adorably secret grin     making my eyes wide as the moon
           steady warmth       ,the most certain sensation,  holding me close
the softest question             I cannot respond. my lips yearn to answer
with a gentle pressure      with a tender promise            
 ( but he gave me a sky hug, and a kiss — and
     i now i don't miss him   quite as much )

4 Years

Four-year-old hearts
beat tender
and fragile with-in small chests.
Moth-wing words and
dew-drop conversations can
seduce a smile from the saddest child.
Silky curls
rose-petal cheeks and
spiderweb eyelashes,
butterfly kisses
and Wildflower eyes
Four-year-old souls
are stronger
than those who have withered with age.
Four-year-old angels
shine brighter
In heaven from whence
they came.

Truly Lost

There is beauty in things broken
until they are stripped bare of even the brokenness.
     Then, beauty has no foothold
     and the heart can change no more.
That broken beauty must be saved,
held on to with a fierce tenacity
For even the most fragmented soul
will find itself again
as long as that natural, inherent splendor
(the gentle knowledge of the majesty within)
is maintained.
     Only when that core of heavenly sentiment
     is forgotten,
only then
is a soul truly lost.