1 Week

Your eyelashes are damp. Salty tears sliding around your closed lids.
    Why are you crying, dearest
I held your warm hand in mine and.   you squeezed my fingers just so hard
          Do you know you are so strong, darling
You yawned.     Tired baby lips and small puff of air
      Are you sleepy, my sweet

I hate saying bye to you.  You're too beautiful and so afraid, I think

God protect him,        he is scared. Hold him close
Because I can't.

Stroke his hands when I'm not there
And whisper in his listening ear
        I love you
When I have no more voice to say it

KYLE OPENED HIS EYES!!!!!!
Dear Lord,
Thank you for your faithfulness.

In Your Heart

The clear tubes.   and red flashing buttons
Hissing machinery and scary numbers
You're so big and brave.      lying in the white bed.
Still and silent as a ghost
You are beautiful. I could stare at your peaceful face forever
In it there is heaven
This is you
And I love you.
You can hear me whisper in your ear, can't you
I said that I love you
You'll remember that.
Nothing can replace you in my heart,
loveliest boy so strong
And nothing can replace me
in yours.

Slippery Afternoon

You love me
in a way.   to make me cry

swiftly as the grey rain slips down the window
the gentle weeping of the lonely cook.    over her dirty dishes
      splash into the scummy water, the saltwater from her lashes

and in the greasy streets outside
the giggling children and the whisk of a cat
around the corner

Your haunted eyes are   dark collections of thoughts and memories
opening up
When you look at me like       a crazy man
all torn up and wanting, starving like the cat...but hungrier
My smile disappears
    no it fades away quickly.   And is taken over by a slip of tears
You make me cry

the way your eyes love me.   like the raindrops so steady but        hard to catch

I Will Never

When the stars are forgetting to sparkle
and the milky moon is turning crimson with
      the blood of crying children
When there are no more voices left to sing
and the rocks and stones scream out for love
             and the swiftest rivers cannot flow
When even the sun has turned cold and heartless
and the only sound is the terrible rain collapsing
        in inky puddles between broken hearts

I will still hold you in my arms.
My blinded eyes will even then remember     your smile.
With hope,
    I will continue searching for you
Spurred on by the memory
of soft words      lavished on in love.
Don't you see, my dearest?                    nothing can tear you out of my soul
the seeds you planted have grown roots

my friend, you are not alone
         and I will never give up on you

Three Heartbeats

There are raindrops
and bright spots of sunshine
   Angry faces
     and gently smiling friends

Maybe I rose is blooming    in someone's garden
   maybe I baby is being born, crying out for heaven in his mother's arms

A boy is becoming a man   too early for his broken heart
           (they were best friends, so what else would break?)
         He wants to get married, he said
                                     maybe he just wants someone to hold
                           someone who will kiss him goodnight when he's lonely
                  someone who he can trust will never leave him ever (even when the rest of the world    does.)
      I wish I could
         tell him     How very much I adore him
How I would marry him in three heartbeats      (three years if he'd wait)
But,
my love stretches out so far that I want him to be happy. I want him to love
whoever is right, Lord...whichever girl makes his eyes shine brighter than the stars

There are cloudy days
and weeks of blue sky
        Eyes full of tears
          and overflowing laughter

But the Lord my God sees our hearts
So nothing is impossible.

A Rose

A white rose is in my garden.
   -- must have sprung up one day when the gardner was     away
               tiny velvet leaves unfurling in tentative
 emerald wrinkles
awaiting the sun's unconditional warmth
It isn't tall or very bold.
  -- but it is strong, I can tell.   unswervingly true and pure as heaven
                        like a virgin bride the petals reveal themselves
so innocently beautiful
   I cannot help but kiss their pearly coolness

It has no pretenses, I find.
Thoughtfully I have mused o'er its lonely countenance
    for hours,
        I sit among the grand hydrangeas on a mossy stone,
contemplating the whiteness, the dark green, the perfection.

What trials
brought a rose to me,
When did this angel
appear?
What have I done to deserve
a flower,
or perhaps this is a curse
in disguise?


Then, I laugh --    Oh! Foolish heart of mine!
Why do you wonder at miracles?