ICU

                             Back in the darkness
                                                Clean reassuring sterile
                                                                       Smelling like gentle citrus
                                      The world may be upside down but
                     this room is okay.
         Soft smiles and fragile voices
                                            which call quietly to God in heaven:
                                                                                                                heal me.
                                                     Eyes are staring wide but sleepy
                    Shadowed with empty memories
    Her face is so lovely and she is sad
                                                             don't worry.
                                                                     Hands are warmer than the piled sheets
                                                     comforting. The night
is so very long it seems to never
                              end footsteps coming and leaving speaking words
                                                                                  of patient love they cannot know why
                                                    Each heartbeat is a victory.

Be Safe

That ripping sound
my heart is breaking
For you, O Dearest Love
In your grasp I am standing
afraid to leave you
Lest the world catch
and haunt you, O Fragile One
Eyelashes glittering with salty diamonds,
you sigh against my hand
and cling to life
This frightening reality you
are so reluctant to reenter.
Weep, O heavenly behemoths,
shed your grey sorrow on the thirsty ground
The world must mourn tonight.
For even all my tears
can't show my sorrow.

Holding on to You

There are so many stars in the sky
so bright they blind me    from so far away
There are so many drops of rain falling
so cold my heart may stop      so heavy my eyelids close
There are so many pains in my soul tonight
so deep they tear me apart    I am so afraid

Where is my savior
          To whom do I turn when  the darkness
             of death is suffocating me
                     
Did he forget me


In your chest      blood is pumping
Your heart is still alive and full
In your fingers     you can feel me
You are still the one I know

Despite how far    I feel     I'm falling
Fear is not
      alone
Near my scared and broken spirit      is hope

holding on
   to you.

Love Without End

Athousand pieces
         fragments of triangles, pyramids, diamonds
    chunks of squares, cubes, emeralds
              scraps of circles, globes, pearls.
Tenthousand memories
               smiles and laughter and joy,
         tears and weeping and hurt,
                    silence and understanding and peace.
Ahundredthousand feelings
      i love you ,   you don't understand ,  
              i am angry ,   i wish i wasn't ,
          i do not care ,    i can't care about everything.
Onemillion heartaches
that awful writhing pain
10,000,000 holding me down
Drawing me closer to my Father
100,000,000 suffocating helpless soAfraid
wishing hurting
1,000,000,000 piercing punching clinging
Filling
God what is left to hold on to

my infinite love
       

1 Week

Your eyelashes are damp. Salty tears sliding around your closed lids.
    Why are you crying, dearest
I held your warm hand in mine and.   you squeezed my fingers just so hard
          Do you know you are so strong, darling
You yawned.     Tired baby lips and small puff of air
      Are you sleepy, my sweet

I hate saying bye to you.  You're too beautiful and so afraid, I think

God protect him,        he is scared. Hold him close
Because I can't.

Stroke his hands when I'm not there
And whisper in his listening ear
        I love you
When I have no more voice to say it

KYLE OPENED HIS EYES!!!!!!
Dear Lord,
Thank you for your faithfulness.

In Your Heart

The clear tubes.   and red flashing buttons
Hissing machinery and scary numbers
You're so big and brave.      lying in the white bed.
Still and silent as a ghost
You are beautiful. I could stare at your peaceful face forever
In it there is heaven
This is you
And I love you.
You can hear me whisper in your ear, can't you
I said that I love you
You'll remember that.
Nothing can replace you in my heart,
loveliest boy so strong
And nothing can replace me
in yours.